Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Attention Shoppers

Here’s a little trick for inspiration: look through your old files. I did and found this weird, quirky short that I wrote after my little brother (the cartboy) came home from work one day, venting about shoppers. Maybe it will inspire a new character for you – enjoy!


So far, I’ve been content to shuffle behind you in my red apron, your groceries under my arm, head up just far enough not to lose sight of you in the parking lot. Now, I have a list of complaints.

(1) It’s NOT ok to stuff your unwanted items into the candy racks at the checkout line. You’d think that business men would be able to decide whether or not they want Tabasco-flavored mayo, but what do I know, I’m only the bagboy.

(2) It’s NOT ok to forage in the produce section. You know who you are.

(3) It’s NOT ok to discard a cart just because it has a flyer in it. You walk in, grab a cart (neatly arranged in perfect rows), sneer suspiciously at a flyer in the bottom, ditch the cart wherever it stands and grab another “cleaner” cart, probably imagining you have narrowly escaped contamination with terrorist pathogens. You then wander into the store, making sure to grab several fliers you won’t take with you. I’ve seen you do this so don’t object. Just quit it.

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